Benjamin, the 29-year-old waiter, finds himself in a painful situation.
After being single for four years, he has met two sympathetic girls on an online dating site. He has dated with both of his candidates last week and feels he could get along well with them. The first encounter with both of them has turned out to be prosperous. The girls have made a favorable impression on Benjamin, and they also liked the guy. One of them is Julie, who, similarly to Benjamin, is an introvert. The other one is Judith, who, contrary to Benjamin, belongs to the extroverted type. Benjamin knows well that both personality types have assets, yet he has a hard time deciding in which case he can expect a more harmonious relationship. It complicates the situation because both ladies would be open to further dates with Benjamin.
If you belong to the introverted personality type, you might have wondered which one has longer-term benefits for your relationship: whether choosing an introverted or an extroverted partner. Will the saying “birds of a feather flock together” or the statement “opposites attract” become true later on?
Just as there is justice in both sayings, in the same way, both personality types can enrich the relationship with positive elements that can bring benefit to the partners. However, it is worth considering how things can be when choosing someone of a distinct personality type, and what to expect in the relationship. (Our article is based on the book “Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After” from Sophia Dembling.)
Let’s look at the first case:
What happens when an introverted person chooses an introverted partner?
You don’t have to maintain the conversation constantly
Just like you, your partner won’t constantly demand to spend time together with chatting. She or he can also feel intimacy towards you when you sit side by side in silence without conversation. This can be great and you need not make any excuses why not talking.
There is no need to go out socializing on free evenings
Similarly to you, your partner will not feel bad if you suggest spending your evenings at home and not at parties with other people. He or she will appreciate a ’reading weekend’ or a movie-watching Saturday, too.
Your partner will understand you
While no two people can exactly be the same, your boyfriend/girlfriend will most often understand you and your decisions. You will often feel you are on a same wavelength.
You might be isolated
Since you both enjoy the tranquility of your home and the quiet evenings you spend together, you may neglect your social relationships. You can improve this situation by discussing who of you is planning an “outbound” day. He or she will look up the venue, book tickets, check the route, and reassure the other person that the event will be enjoyable. If one party takes full responsibility for the organizing work, she or he will prefer to get involved, motivating her/his partner. Therefore, you certainly can look forward to a pleasant day or program in advance.
You may require investing more energy in organizing a common program for both of you
As introverts, you both enjoy the time you spend alone, since this is the time for you to recharge. This wouldn’t be a big deal, but sometimes, too many retreats can lead to the realization that maybe you should spend more time together. It is also important and worthwhile to focus on sharing common experiences. These occasions can strengthen your relationships and offer moments that you will happily remember later.
Now let’s have a look at the other option.
What happens when an introverted person has an extroverted partner?
Life will be exciting
Because extroverted people are energetic and active, they also can make the lives of introverted people eventful. Your extroverted partner will encourage you to spend more time with others so you can have exciting new experiences.
Socializing is provided to you automatically
Most extroverted people have a well-established social network. If you accept these connections, you don’t have to work hard on making friends or forming a similar network. You as well can benefit from these relationships, not only your partner.
Your partner will not be afraid of arguments
Since your extroverted partner likes to share his or her opinion, you can be sure that in case of conflicts you don’t have to get involved in games with him/her. He or she won’t expect you to guess his or her hidden thoughts. If something bothers him or her, he/she will tell it to you and will try to find a solution. Some introverted individuals are afraid of conflicts, that is why they are reluctant to come up with such topics, but this happens to a lesser extent in case of extroverted fellows. He/she is the one who openly dares to take on disputes, and as a result, you may able to find a solution more quickly.
You have to work hard for the time you spend by yourself
One of the challenging things will be finding time for yourself that you spend alone. Your extroverted partner may have a hard time feeling that the time spent alone is not a rejection, but merely a way of recharging yourself that you occasionally need. It is worth discussing this request of yours at the beginning of your relationship and acting honestly.
You need to express yourself clearly
Obviously, your extroverted partner is not a mind reader. You as an introvert should be careful not to hide your intentions and desires, but to express your thoughts clearly to the other party. This way of exchanging ideas will be natural for your partner, so the communication between the two of you will be smooth and seamless. When behaving like that, you will always be fully aware of the situation which can provide security and emotional stability.
Benjamin has considered the above factors and now he has clear visions of what to expect from Julie, the introvert and from Judith, the extrovert. He has made up his mind to analyze the factors thoroughly, and based on the outcome, he will continue dating with one lady in the future. Best of luck, Benjamin!
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